


Wormhole Effect

by terma_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-01-01
Updated: 2002-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:47:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26501620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist
Summary: Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atTER/MAand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address onthe TER/MA collection profile.
Collections: TER/MA





	Wormhole Effect

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [TER/MA](https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the TER/MA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile).

  
**Wormhole Effect  
by Ursula**

  
Sweaty, stubbled with beard, a tasteful bruise here and there, Alex Krycek posed in front of a mirror at the airport. Mulder slumped against the wall near by. Mulder looked as if he was born hung-over, the left side of his jaw was swollen, he had bigger bags than were allowed in carryon under his eyes. The lining hung out of his expensive suit, there were tire tracks down the back of his jacket, and he had elephant ears sticking out of his pockets... of course, his enemies hadn't done that. Alex had performed that loving little deed when Mulder had been asleep on the plane. Mulder's hair looked incredibly bad...whoops, excuse me, actually that WAS his chosen hairstyle. Alex, of course, merely looked sexy as hell and the grime just begged for someone to love him, and sponge his quivering body, and rub his soft, sensitive skin with exotic oils. 

Alex brushed his brilliantly shining teeth and angled to catch a view of his back. "Hmm," Alex said, "Needs something." 

Mulder stirred himself from his trance like state and eyed Alex's angled hip. He said, "Give me your knife, Alex." 

A little worried that Mulder had noticed his pockets, Alex flinched and hesitated. Mulder chided, "You want to look good for Walter or not?" 

"Yeah." Alex said. He said, "Wait a minute..." 

The assassin, intrepid, fierce, and ruthless, checked everywhere in the men's room. Finally he seemed satisfied. Mulder asked, "What the hell are you looking for? A shape-shifter? Spender? An Oilien possessed French woman?" 

Krycek answered, "Scarier than that....I wanted to make sure that Fire or No-cure weren't hanging around. Bad things happen to me when they get near a word processor. I am not letting you near a knife if there's the slightest chance that they might get control of you." 

Mulder sniffed with disdain, echoes of this affectation reverberating through the caverns of his nostrils. He took the knife and added a careful cut across the tightly stretched denim over one buttock. There, mmmm, that revealed just the slightest hint of sweet pink cheeks. 

Alex jutted out a hip to look and was very pleased. Mulder wiggled a finger inside and panted. He asked, "Hey, babe, let's just have a quickie before we catch a taxi." 

Alex shook his head and said, "I'm saving myself for Walter." 

Mulder grumbled, "What's this saving bit? I didn't want to make a withdrawal. I wanted to make a deposit." 

Alex shook his head and said, "Mulder, I bet the other kids wouldn't play with you because you never wanted to take turns." 

Mulder put on his sulky face and stomped out of the men's room. 

Alex barely noticed although that pouting lip was one of his favorite things. He had his mind on bigger and better things. Shoulders like a bull. Pectorals big enough to grab with both hands. Tight waist. Tight ass. Yeah, that butt...a pair of plain white briefs straining over the round muscled cheeks and bulging in front with that fully packed bag. Talk about an all day sucker. Alex felt a nice little warm glow all over; it felt just like a nice shot of good vodka to think about his beloved Walter... 

After a taxi and a nice scene with Mulder on his knees pleading with Alex just to come up stairs for ten minutes, Alex arrived at the Crystal City apartment. He climbed the multistory building with his special Spiderman boots and web shooter. 

Damn, no Walter standing there to shove him around a little before carrying him off to bed! Alex followed a steady train of curses and found his lover pounding his head on the keyboard. Alex, mystified and miffed, cleared his throat to get Walter's attention. 

Walter leapt to his feet, waving his gun in one hand and the mouse in the other. Alex said, "Are you going to shoot me or down load me, sweet one?" 

Walter shoved the mouse in his holster and the gun on the keyboard shelf. Alex gently and silently corrected the mistake. Walter grabbed him and bent him back in a breathtaking kiss. A full two minutes later, Alex caught his breath just before a full dramatic swoon. Walter yodeled a Tarzan yell and carried Alex to his lovely soft bed... 

Where they stayed for two and one half hours, Alex getting his comeuppance three times until every muscle felt like jelly. The room was filled with steam and the springs in the bed were going to have to be replaced again. As they rose out of the wreck of the bed, Alex heard a tiny whimper. He reached under the bed and found a high heel. Before he could jump to a jealous conclusion, he found the other one with a foot attached. Scully...she had been spying on them again. Alex gently evicted her...poor thing was trying to win a Spooky in the slash division and felt that real life notes would enliven her presentation. The pictures however were no doubt going up for sale to the highest bidder. As tight as the FBI budget was these days, Scully had to keep herself in shoes one way or another. Alex was feeling generous and didn't expose the film. Let the lady have her fun...a whole season of morning sickness was something Alex was glad that he was spared. 

Remembering Walter's situation when he arrived, Alex asked, "So what's the deal with your computer?" 

Walter turned red and said, "I thought Mulder sent me pictures of your trip...you know we've been sharing GIFs and slides just to tide us over when you're with someone else like that ancient bitch, Methos...what do you see in that geezer anyway?" 

Alex only smiled. Hell, Methos could do more with his nose than half the guys Alex knew could do with their peckers. 

Walter said, "So I was on the net last night and there was a E-mail from Mulder. Hey, you...it seemed normal enough so I downloaded the pictures. Only when I clicked the damn thing, my entire system went haywire. I don't know what to do." 

Sometime later, Alex emerged from underneath the computer desk. He announced, "All fixed." 

Walter wasn't sure what was wrong with this picture. Why did Alex have to be under the desk if John Byers seemed to be doing all of the work? And why did John keep groaning as his fingers flew over the keyboard? It was a worry, a real worry. 

John stood up and shook his slender hands to loosen them after the marathon computer session. He had a glazed look in his eyes. Walter jerked his chin down and indicated the computer geeks trousers. "Barn door." He announced. 

Byers blushed and said, "Oh, yeah." He said, "You should be fine. I restored your commands that were altered. I installed a couple Trojan removers and a new firewall. You're as safe as I can make you. I took care of your back orifice too." 

Walter didn't understand a word. He never used a Trojan on his computer...a keyboard cover sure, but a condom? And why would he need a special device for removing the things? All you had to do was hold on and tie a knot and everything was A-OK. As for his back orifice...Alex took care of that just fine. Walter put a protective hand on his ass and backed away from the strange computer programmer. 

Still at a safe distance, Walter asked, "What do I owe you, Byers?" 

The neatly bearded man smiled and looked at Alex with a loving gaze that made Walter uneasy. He said, "Oh, Alex paid me in full. Feel free to call me or E-mail me anytime you have a problem." 

Walter saw that slow wink and wondered again why Alex frequently felt the need to see John and share a banana. Still, he didn't want to be accused of being paranoid and jealous like Mulder so he kept his mouth shut. Even a fraction of Alex on a time-share agreement was better than none. 

Walter would have liked to go back to bed, but Alex had booted his computer up. He was now muttering Russian curses and working the mouse as if it was a race car. Walter asked, "What's wrong, Alex? I thought it was all fixed." 

Alex replied, "It is. Now I just have to back track and find who did this. No one but me plays around with my lover's bytes." 

Some time later, Walter heard a triumphant cry. He found Alex gloating in front of a screen filled with addresses and squiggly lines. Alex said, "Got them. Now, what to do? What to do?" 

Walter hurriedly said, "No killing, Alex." There was that time someone made a mistake on his Visa card. The man who made the nasty call to Walter was still having parts of the billing removed from his inner anatomy. And the assassin that Spender had sent in a fit of dementia had turned up in pieces in bus terminals all over the state. 

Alex frowned and said, "OK, I'll reciprocate in kind." 

Walter found Alex sometime later with a flashlight, a net, and a bag of raw liver. He added it up and no sum came to mind. He asked, "What the hell?" 

Alex said, "A fluke's a kind of worm. I'm going to see if fluke man or his offspring are still hanging around in the sewer." 

Walter took away the equipment and chided, "What are you going to do if it gets loose?" 

Alex drooped and looked at Walter with big green eyes. Sadly, he said, "Okay, hey, Walter, it was a hell of a lot easier when I just had Jiminy Cricket for a conscience..." 

Walter said, "I bet it was especially since you kept him in a wooden cage and fed him nothing but opium poppy flowers and Cannabis leaves..." 

Alex's lips twitched and he said, "Well, he was happy." 

Walter said, "That's not the point of having a conscience, Alex." 

Alex growled, "I did just fine until all those slash writers decided to rehabilitate me. And whose Mickey Mouse idea was it to give me a cricket for a conscience anyway?" 

Walter blushed. Since Fan4Richie had written the program that made Walter's weeks come more often than Mulder's, he wasn't going to give the warped little mutant up. 

Alex back on task said, "Okay, back to the drawing board. I can do this. I can really do this." 

Alex went off humming the theme from Ghost Busters. Who you going to call, in deed? 

The next morning, Walter reached for his lover and found that side of the bed empty. Hmm, Alex was up early. Walter gave a deep satisfied groan. His computer was as good as ever. He had been laid repeatedly. Alex had hypnotized Mulder and Scully into reading and commenting on all of his agent field reports. He had a great night's sleep and now looked forward to some cuddling with his lover leading to some well-earned bedroom gymnastics. Where was Alex? 

Walter moved silently into the room. He heard Alex's voice purring and thought he must be laying a little phone sex on Mulder. That is, he thought so, until he heard, "Spendy, just a cup of worms for your own little Alex-snookums...I'll send you a video. Mulder and I doing the horizontal mambo unless you want Walter and I?" 

Walter remembered what Mulder had said about the rock he found in the airport. Black worms, yet another form of the oiliens. He grabbed the phone from Alex and yelled, "Stuff it, Spender. I don't want Alex to attack those hackers with black worms. He'll have to think of another punishment." 

Alex glared at Walter and said, "I can't kill them...I can't break all their fingers. I can't have them abducted. I can't even set them up on dates with the fluke man. What can I do?" 

Walter shrugged and said, "You'll think of something. Come on, Alex, let me give you some inspiration..." 

Two days later, Walter turned on CNN and saw what appeared to be feces covered men dragged out of a sludge deep hole. Notably, hundreds and hundreds of earthworms, bugs, and other denizens of the crawling and burrowing world fell in droves off the screaming men. Walter turned to Alex who was watching with a seraphic smile. He said, "That's them?" 

Alex said, "Da, da, da, I just gave them a taste of their own medicine, but instead of giving them a worm; I gave them to the worms..." 

Walter hit instant replay and watched the segment again. He sighed and said, "So about Spender...didn't you say something about an alien-bee hybrid queen? Looks enough like you, but in drag to fool Mulder?" 

Alex smiled and said, "Yeah, I didn't have the heart to kill it. It was a real honey." 

Walter said, "And you said it was crossed with a female Praying Mantis too?" 

Alex said, "Yes, it is." 

Walter replied, "I think Spender needs a date. What say we find that hybrid and send it over? Do you think he'd go for it?" 

Alex said, "It looks just like me and it has even stronger pheromones." 

Walter said, "Let's go. I think Spender ought to give the creature a little head..." 

* * *

Fandom: X-Files   
Pairing: Alex Krycek/Walter Skinner and supporting cast of thousands   
Status: New and totally silly   
Disclaimer: I have the receipt for them right here...ah, right in my purse...would you believe my glove box? How about my desk? Okay, they still belong to Chris Carter, but if I put them back unharmed and accept no bribe to stop me from writing these things, I hope he'll forgive me. OD-536 - commit eda91fa - 2020-07-03   
---


End file.
